Confessions of A Working Girl

Picture of the day: Confusion and worry

I feel like I'm in limbo, a little. It's already been decided (mostly) that I'll go up to school on Sunday...what happens from there though...

At the moment, it looks like I'm hoping to be able to move to being part time and not lose any financial aid. By doing that, I should still get a Spanish for Business Bachelor's at the end of the semester. I think....

The way things are going, I'm not going back to college this year. I have been turned down for five seperate student loans (for five different amounts, from five different companies) and even after financial aid, I would owe $7000 for the semester. So I probably can't go back. And that means I just wasted four years of my life getting credits towards a degree I'm not going to earn, only getting debt in return. That's not right. Why is education so expensive? And, understanding that more and more of the population is poor, why can't they still give loans to students who need them? But noooo, they refuse. It's a crazy viscious cycle too. Get in debt in order to make more money in order to stay out of debt. >.<

And too, minimum wage is not enough to live on. Which is wrong...that was, I thought, the whole point of having a minimum wage--it was the lowest that it was possible to live on. But it isn't. Most people I know who have to work for minimum wage have to also work a minimum of two jobs. That leaves zero time for anything else.

I hate the world. Or at least, America. I should have gone to school in Germany or something. I've heard that they give enough financial aid to cover what the student cannot.

As everyone keeps telling me, I could take a year off, earn some money and then go back. I hate that idea. Not only because its stupid, but because last time I was away from school that long, I went back and had a horrible year. Really horrible. My GPA dropped like 1. someodd points.

I have a week to figure this out, to find if there is some way that I may possibly get $7000 before October. It isn't really looking plausible though. Which comes back to I've wasted like four years of my life, and gone into debt for absolutely nothing.

This is today's picture of the day. ^_^

Oh, and the play ended up working out fine. I just panic and get annoyed too easily. They did apologixe for being late, after all. The other kids arrived, and the play was cute. Which is good...cast party for the kids next week. I saw their mom filming it, but will give them each a copy from what my brother filmed as well.

We went to visit my grandparents this morning--my dad's parents. Their situation has changed a lot since I last blogged about it. Now they live in an apartment in a senior community instead of at the house. They managed to sell the house too, despite the bad seller's market. So they live at the apartment now, and have for about a year.The wooden clown in the picture is something my grandfather made, and it stands in their apartment in the corner. (The other clown is just something glass, I think....)

Oh, and dad, the comments thing should be working fine...

Wow, it's seriously been almost a year since I last posted a blog entry? So much has happened! And now I've moved all the entries from my blog to this site instead. No particular reason, other than that this site is connected to the site where I post the photostories of my dolls, and when I see it I am more likely to post than when it was completely seperate.

I still have to edit this site a little... oh, and I should probably sum up the last year at some point, but meh.

The issue I have at the moment is loans. The loan for school was turned down!!! I have one year left. One. Year. I'm praying that I can find some solution in the next two weeks. It would be horrible to be this close to getting two bachelor's degrees and then not get any...

Sometimes I feel like I just don’t know anything anymore. And here I should put some witty comment about how knowing that you know nothing is the first step to learning, but I’m just too tired. Not really physically tired for a change, more…emotionally.

First was the earthquake way back in March, and then just a few days ago, Hurricane Irene. Stuff like these natural disasters leave me confused and feeling like an awful selfish human being. I mean, they’re sad and all, and I’m really sorry for the people who have lost everything–I would hate it if that happened to me–but at the same time, I think, oh, I’m ok, no big deal. It was a big deal though, and so many people were hurt and lost so much and all I can do is be selfishly glad that I’m not one of them. It makes me feel guilty for being that way, even though humans as a species are basically selfish creatures anyways.

For example (and I read this somewhere) humans are born only knowing how to want. Kinder emotions like sympathy and empathy and all that stuff is learned, not ingrained. Is that the truth? I don’t know, but when I take a look around me, I think I can see enough evidence that speaks for itself.

This morning, I heard a ruckus outside my window, a murder of crows, or whatever it is they’re called. A little while after that, when I went to class, I saw a crow lying on the grass under a tree. It didn’t move…I didn’t have a chance to look closer but it appeared to be dead. I should have remembered that crows in general–and especially a dead crow–would be an omen. Because about thirty minutes ago…I got a call from my parents today…they got a call from my cousin…apparently my aunt died last night. She’d been sick with cancer for something like two or three years, so it wasn’t completely unexpected. But because she lived down in Texas whereas we live in New England, we didn’t get to see her all that often, and in some ways, that just makes it worse somehow.

So I’m sitting here all upset (and there’s another example of selfishness…I’m probably crying about the same amount for the fact that she died relatively young as I am for the fact that I’m never going to get to see her again.) And at the same time, I’m trying to imagine just what my mom, my other aunt, my cousins and my nana are feeling. And that doesn’t help at all. I just end up feeling worse, and then sort of guilty that I feel that way.

Anyway, I’m supposed to be meeting my friends for dinner. If I don’t, I’ll probably get hungry later…people are like that. And perhaps its not a bad thing, but at the same time…

Between work and the summer play that I’m doing again this year, it feels as though the summer is flying past. My room still isn’t clean…but then, who really expected it to actually get cleaned?

Although I’m thinking I really need to sit down and clean without distractions…I need more room, what with new dolls on the way and all…and I need room to play on the Wii…I’ve been forgetting I have it since moving everything in order to play it is too much of a hassle…which sort of defeats the purpose of having bought it…and am I going in circles with this? Probably…I tend to try to justify anything that I feel guilty for doing, even if I don’t regret doing it, if that makes any sense.

Hmm…not much else is new at the moment…I’m taking an accounting class, which is fun. The homework is sort of a pain though.

Well first, let me warn you that this started when I found out the hard way that rocking chairs and computers are not such a good combination. I managed to run over my computer with my rocking chair, and that cracked it open enough that a piece of wood got into it and destroyed it completely.

While I was deciding which new computer to buy, I bought the Nintendo Wii gaming system, and the Wii Fit. Then the problem was that in order to use the Wii, you sort of need a little bit of floorspace, and my room has been a mess since…well…since I moved into it.  With the Wii sitting right there, it was all the incentive I needed in order to clear that space. So I could see a little bit of floor. And then, yesterday, Ki and I worked on my room for about 7 hours, and now you can see most of the floor.

Oh, and as for the computer, I bought a Samsung. Which is nice and all, but it’s already gotten one virus, despite the fact that I was on a free trial of whats supposed to be a really good antivirus program. Anyway, my brother managed to fix it, and I did the smart thing and ditched the sample and instead downloaded Panda Cloud and Microsoft Security Essentials. They seem to work a lot better than that other one…

Anyway, I like the Wii. Especially the Wii Fit. It seemed like such a good idea, and a bunch of those activities do make you feel as though you’d had a workout by the end of it. My goal at the moment is to get 30 minutes a day on the Wii Fit. Other than yesterday, so far that’s what I’ve done every day for the past week. I hope it helps…although one thing I did find out was that it is very hard to march to one beat and swing your hands to another. >.<

So, I’ve been home for a little over a week now…somehow it feels like there are way too many things that I should be doing. I need to look up summer classes, I need to pick classes for next semester, I need to send in my room deposit for next semester–which I probably should have done a while ago–I need to see if I can get a summer job, I need to clean my room…the list seems to go on and on…>.< I should probably stop complaining and just do the stuff…complaining rarely accomplishes anything…

1 Comment » Dad:

April 2nd, 2011 @ 9:43 pm Prioritize…Yes, they all need to be done…Pick the one that needs to be done the most…and do it…One thing at a time beats no things at a time…

So…my study abroad is ending three months earlier then planned. T_T I now officially have a ticket back to the US for Wednesday.

There’s so much left undone…and my parents said they sent something for my birthday that hasn’t arrived yet…

I really don’t want to drag my stuff through the metro…but it looks like I might not have a choice… >.<

1 Comment » Dad:

March 19th, 2011 @ 12:51 pm It is said that all things happen for a reason…I wish I knew what the hell that reason was…

Cheer up Wendy and look at all that you HAVE accomplished…

There is nothing that was sent for your birthday that cannot be redone or replaced…don’t worry about it…

As a famous (only to you) author once said…

“The end result is neither better or worse than the intended result”