Confessions of A Working Girl

Still depressed over finances, but since that won't change anytime soon, I moved on to other things. For one thing:

Created by MyFitnessPal -

That's since April 2012. ^_^ It took two years to lose it, but because it took so long hopefully it would take just as long to gain it back if I stopped paying attention! 

And another thing:

I only have 91 rows left to knit for this scarf. ^_^ That's out of 521 rows total. 

As the end of my last semester in college approaches, I should probably feel a mix of things. Instead, all I feel is that I wish the semester would be over faster. There's also a little regret, that I haven't tried my hardest in everything. A little of that is because that's how I've always worked in school. But a large part of it, this semester, is because of one class, and the group project for that class.

My group has met for a total of 72 hours or so. That doesn't count the hours we spent on our own. That doesn't count the hours in class, or in the lab for the class. Adding up the hours spent in class and lab...that's only 47. So we've spent almost double the time outside the class working on this project as we've spent in that class. And we're set to spend another five hours today, and more on friday, saturday and sunday. By the end of this project, we will have spent more than double the amount of class time working on the project for this class. Is it any wonder that everyone in class, not just my group, is stressed out adn doing poorly in all other classes? I literally have no time to do work for any of my other classes during the day...and when I stay up late to try to do it, I pretty much fall asleep in class the next day.

True, the beginning of the semester we didn't spend as many hours on the project...but that's because the teacher never gave specific instructions and format rules. And she refuses to. So we got a D on the midterm, which was to hand in what we had of the project so far. The highest group grade in class was a C. My group is just hoping to end the semester with such a good grade as that! And I'm worried about failing all my other classes. And finances. Those are always a big worry.

I know I can't escape financial issues, and I will miss everyone, but on the whole, I can't wait to go back to Japan, whenever that will be...

On the bright side, I just got an email saying that my writing folder earned a pass with distinction grade. Schoolwise, that's been the only bright spot recently.

On top of everything, the more work we do on this project, the more I hate it. I never thought that there would be a class that would make me hate school... plus, because I had to leave work early to meet with my group so we could work on this project, I missed decorating the christmas tree at the library.  T_T

So...after a lot of running around and a lot of heartbreak (I wanted that Bachelor's in Criminal Justice!) I have figured out a way to graduate in December. I changed the Criminal Justice Degree to an Associates, and the Spanish Teacher helped me put all the rest of the classes I needed for the Spanish for Business Degree into my schedule for this semster. So I will now graduate in December. Not with the two Bachelor's I wanted, but with a Bachelor's and an Associates.  I told them that I was not going to walk at commencement, since I'm not even sure if I'll have the $7000 I owe the school payed off by then. I'm still working on that part. But there have been several suggestions, which, while not ideal, would work.

Like. paying what I can as I can and accepting the late fees. The lady at financial aid said that if I did that, and went to see her at the end of December before I leave, we could work out some sort of payment thing...

In any case, that drops the amount of money I need to find from $14, 000 to $7000 which seems a lot more doable...

And for the record, I'm very upset I won't get a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice.

Picture of the day: Confusion and worry

I feel like I'm in limbo, a little. It's already been decided (mostly) that I'll go up to school on Sunday...what happens from there though...

At the moment, it looks like I'm hoping to be able to move to being part time and not lose any financial aid. By doing that, I should still get a Spanish for Business Bachelor's at the end of the semester. I think....

The way things are going, I'm not going back to college this year. I have been turned down for five seperate student loans (for five different amounts, from five different companies) and even after financial aid, I would owe $7000 for the semester. So I probably can't go back. And that means I just wasted four years of my life getting credits towards a degree I'm not going to earn, only getting debt in return. That's not right. Why is education so expensive? And, understanding that more and more of the population is poor, why can't they still give loans to students who need them? But noooo, they refuse. It's a crazy viscious cycle too. Get in debt in order to make more money in order to stay out of debt. >.<

And too, minimum wage is not enough to live on. Which is wrong...that was, I thought, the whole point of having a minimum wage--it was the lowest that it was possible to live on. But it isn't. Most people I know who have to work for minimum wage have to also work a minimum of two jobs. That leaves zero time for anything else.

I hate the world. Or at least, America. I should have gone to school in Germany or something. I've heard that they give enough financial aid to cover what the student cannot.

As everyone keeps telling me, I could take a year off, earn some money and then go back. I hate that idea. Not only because its stupid, but because last time I was away from school that long, I went back and had a horrible year. Really horrible. My GPA dropped like 1. someodd points.

I have a week to figure this out, to find if there is some way that I may possibly get $7000 before October. It isn't really looking plausible though. Which comes back to I've wasted like four years of my life, and gone into debt for absolutely nothing.

I know I’m not alone in this…why does schooling have to be so freaking expensive? I know, I know…this is something that I should have realized long ago, especially with the fact that I will be a Junior in college this coming year… But it only just hit me.

I mean, what better way to make me realize just how much money this was when I heard my parents talking (technically, I think they were talking to me) about that if anything happened to me while I was abroad this coming year (e.g. death or… serious disability, I guess)  because of all my loans for school, and because most of those loans are under my parents names, they could potentially lose everything? That was a scary thought. I mean, I’ve known for years now that if we didn’t have the house, the income level that we have would make us homeless.

…maybe I’m not supposed to be telling people that. But it’s one of the things that is big on my mind, and I just need to…vent.

Anyway, this makes it so that my current obsession with scratch tickets is semi-ok since my ultimate goal is to win enough to help my parents pay off the mortgage for the house. That way they don’t have to worry about the bank taking it away…I think. Could the bank still take it away?

Plus, my parents need to keep the house so that I have somewhere to live after college while I pay back this enormous debt that the schooling results in. It’s a stupid, vicious cycle…you go to college and get into debt in order to get a degree which will enable you to get a well paying job which will enable you to make enough money both to live off of and to pay back that debt. Whereas if you don’t go to college and get into debt, you run the risk of making only barely enough money to live off of. Sheesh, we need to come up with a better system.

Despite my recent realization about all this debt, going to Japan has become as much of an obsession as…as…as James Dean! I really really really really want to go to Japan. I want this extended spring semester to work so badly that I’m almost starting to panic. And I hate that. The panic thing, that is. The biggest problem with the extended semester is getting the visa. They told me that to get the visa, I should be able to show that I have access to at least $15,000. And no, credit limits on credit cards don’t count. My question is: Where the hell does Japan think that an average person wishing to study abroad is going to get that money?????

All the bank accounts in my house combined would probably only barely hit 8 or 9 thousand. And I told the person in charge of the visa paperwork that I’d get all the paperwork to him by this week!!!!! Panic!!!!!!

…why doesn’t this blog have emoticons? Emoticons are fun! Like on msn messanger or aim…but msn has better emoticons. Much better ones. And they’re more fun too. But sadly, the emoticons won’t even copy + paste into the blog. T_T

Anyways, at least the Spain study abroad is all set. I just got the information on the people that I’m going to stay with. It sounds like it  will be with a nice older couple. I’ll get to meet them…I think the tentative schedule said that I would meet them four days after I arrive in Spain. I should touch up on my spanish…and learn/relearn how to say “Nice to meet you!” in spanish!

Oh, the other thing that I need to do for Spain is to find a gift for the host family. The letter from the study abroad program “suggested” that the gift be something smallish and useful. Mom suggested cranberry tea. Because of course, the gift should be something from the area I’m from–which is to say, Cape Cod. So, something cranberry…hmm…I didn’t want to get a book, since any book I got here would be in English, and besides, you can get books anywhere. Although by that token I guess you can pretty much get anything anywhere, I suppose…

I wonder…is there anything that is made/sold exclusively on Cape Cod and no where else in the world?  If anyone knows, please tell me!

…well…It’s 12:30 am, which could be part of the reason I’m close to panicking….I’m too tired to think straight! (Not that I ever think straight…usually I like to think in nice  qualihedron type shapes. And no, I don’t know how many sides that has…if it’s even a real word…)

2 Comments » Jerry:

August 18th, 2010 @ 5:56 pm You know…One way or another things always work out…Not always the way you had wished for, but sometimes for the better…or not…

Listen to “If that’s what it is” and don’t get nervous…what will happen, will happen…and therefore it is what’s meant to be….

Jerry:

August 18th, 2010 @ 6:02 pm P.S. Try www.cranberryharvest.com they sell cranberry jelly made with only Cape Cod cranberries

I’m sort of nervous a the moment…I have less than two weeks to get the last bit of paperwork in to the program…and it’s only like a month before I actually leave!!! Wow…

Today in the mail, I got the handbook for the study abroad in Spain! It was on a 2gb usb…the program even suggests that the usb can be used to store pictures from during the study abroad program.

Anyway, I got that, and I was looking at the calendar, and suddenly I was struck by nervousness. In just a little over a month and a half, I will be the furthest away from home that I’ve ever been for the longest amount of time. And there’s so much stuff that I need to do before then!

Stuff like finishing up my paperwork and acquiring a visa or two.  Well, I’m going to try my best! Especially now that I feel the deadline pressing in…